The Ingeniously Disingenuousness Brett Kavanaugh

There’s a lot of writing already out there on yesterday’s oral arguments in the Dobbs v Jackson Women’s Health Organization case before the Supreme Court — so I’ll focus my rage on one favorite target, Brett “Probably-Did-Rape-Her-But-That-Was-A-Long-Time-Ago” Kavanaugh. Before starting, I’ll admit that I seriously dislike that man. I loathe his politics, but I also really find him to be personally distasteful. He’s the embodiment of so much blind white-male privilege, arrogance, and surety of place that I long to see him felled by scandal and lowered by moral disgrace. He is as odious to me as the charges against him which multiple, believable women have so credibly levied. He is, to me, the flaccid penis of a drunk besweatered frat boy waved in the face of a nation that can do little about his arrogance or moral failings. I hate him with all my furies — and that’s all before we get to what some generously call his jurisprudence.

So, take my words as the pointed, poisoned stick they are intended to be.

I’ve now actively hated Brett Kavanaugh for two-plus years. I’ve hated him since September of 2018, when I had to learn the names Tobin and Squee. I’ve hated Kavanaugh since Senators asked him about “boofing.” I’ve hated him passionately since Dr. Christine Blasey Ford bravely came forward and credibly accused him of sexual assault and was subsequently bowled over by GOP Senators who honestly couldn’t give a damn about her trauma if it meant putting the asshole on the highest court in the land. So, with all that ill-will built up, it surprised even me that I could hold the man in even greater contempt — but during yesterday’s questioning, he managed that seemingly impossible task.

For those of you who didn’t suffer through the arguments or read the transcript, Kavanaugh focused on one central, legalistically defensible — yet morally abominable — point. In some ways, it is the bedrock of his supposed “originalism,” a judicial philosophy that argues Justices should be guided only by the “original intent” of the Founders. That originalism is so easily bent and disfigured to suit any particular justice’s needs that it should more rightly be called origami-ism will be left for another day beyond noting that Antonin Scalia, the happily deceased dean of the originalist school, flat out ignored the words “well-regulated militia” in the second amendment, thus eternally proving the vacuity of both his soul and his cherished, much-bandied intellect. Instead, today, we’ll focus on how transparently unfair Kavanaugh’s originalist is when applied to women’s reproductive rights.

Here’s the key exchange between Kavanaugh and counsel for the State of Mississippi, who supports overturning Roe v. Wade and Casey v. Planned Parenthood — the controlling legal precedents for defending a woman’s right to choose.

JUSTICE KAVANAUGH: And as I understand it, you’re arguing that the Constitution is silent and, therefore, neutral on the question of abortion? In other words, that the Constitution is neither pro-life nor pro-choice on the question of abortion but leaves the issue for the people of the states or perhaps Congress to resolve in the democratic process? Is that accurate?

MR. STEWART: Right. We’re — we’re saying it’s left to the people, Your Honor.

JUSTICE KAVANAUGH: And so, for the — if you were to prevail, the states, a majority of states or states still could or — and presumably would continue to freely allow abortion, many states; some states would be able to do that even if you prevail under your view, is that correct?

MR. STEWART: That’s consistent with our view, Your Honor. It’s — it’s one that allows all interests to have full voice and — and many of the abortions we see in certain states that I don’t think anybody would think would be moving to change their laws in a more restrictive direction.

JUSTICE KAVANAUGH: Thank you.
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First, the lawyer’s response that he doesn’t think any state would be moving to change their laws in a more restrictive direction is a bald-faced lie. Currently, twelve states — Arkansas, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, AND MISSISSIPPI all have trigger laws that would automatically ban abortion during the first and second trimester if the Court overturns Roe. So, yeah, you can call bullshit from outer space on that one. But the real kicker here — the thing that makes my blood boil about Brett Kavanaugh, is this anodyne simplicity of his reasoning. According to this exchange, he’s not against a woman’s right to choose. No, no, no. Perish the thought. He’s just a distanced and objective judicial originalist who feels the Court shouldn’t be calling balls and strikes on contentious issues such as this.

Moreover, this sense that the Supreme Court should “remain neutral” on a woman’s right to reproductive freedom in deference to state legislatures assumes that those state legislatures legitimately represent the interests of the people within their borders, and yet because of this very Court and its tendency toward fungible originalism, many of them simply no longer are. Take Wisconsin, for example.

In 2016, Donald Trump won the state over Hillary Clinton by less than 1 percent. In 2020, Joe Biden defeated Donald Trump by less than 1 percent. It is an evenly divided swing state, yet due to the grotesque gerrymander, the state Senate, Republicans hold 64% of the seats, and in the State Assembly, they hold 62%.

While Wisconsin is an outlier of sorts — for now — the notion that the Supreme Court’s neutrality on issues as fundamental as reproductive rights in deference to states each acting as “laboratories of democracy” is a joke. The fact that that smug, arrogant, crying asshole Kavanaugh can hide behind such a transparently hollow notion as originalism is repugnant.

It’s all so bloodless. It wipes the Court’s hands off the decision almost like . . . um . . . it was downstairs at a friend’s house and heard a teenage girl being sexually assaulted upstairs but figured that maybe it should ignore the cries for help and remain neutral because those shouts of desperation might just be her love language. Who’s to say, really? Best leave it up to those who are closer to the scene.

Only the person closer to the scene is a clone of Brett Kavanaugh.

Ugh.

The fundamental demographic reality of the United States in 2021 is that the population is headed one way, and the GOP is heading the other. Everyone realizes this. The response from the right has been to abandon any genuine faith in the people. Rather, they have empowered state legislatures to pervert democracy through the gerrymander. Those same states are also throttling the right to vote for those they feel are too brown, too young, too progressive, or too unbeholden to their perverse notion of a nation made for White Christian dominion. The US Senate is structurally tilted toward them even before the filibuster neuters the fifty Senators who actually represent a sizeable majority of the nation. The Electoral College is as obscene as a fart in a baptismal font. And in the face of all this — in the face of obvious encroachments into areas of essential liberty for the women of this nation, Brett Kavanaugh throws up his pasty, pudgy, violative hands and says, “Sorry. Can’t help you out, lady. The Constitution doesn’t say a word about you not being a breeding mare.”

The only solution for any of this is recognizing that we’re playing uphill for all the marbles. Yesterday’s oral arguments removed all doubts about this Court’s reliability as a bastion for liberty or fundamental rights. We’re not only going to have to win, but we’re also gonna have to beat a ten-point spread in a game that has been heavily rigged against us. Then, it is imperative upon us to run these contemptible bastards out of town on a rail when we do.

If they want to pretend to be civilized arbiters of justice while stripping away a woman’s right to bodily autonomy, I’m happy to pretend that I have ulterior motives when we slap SCOTUS with term limits and impeach that revolting Brett Kavanaugh for whatever scandal we can dig up from his drunken, solicitous, indebted, gambling-addicted past.

For all the horrors this Court will soon bring, I cannot wait to beat their asses to a pulp when a nation led by its women rises up in November of 2022.

Where’s my pike and my pussy hat?

We ride at dawn.

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